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Dear Coleen: Meddling in-laws make me want to ditch wedding plans – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen

I’m a 30-year-old woman and I’m getting married to my partner of three years in the spring. I’m an only child from a single parent family and my mum can’t afford to pay for a wedding, so we’re funding some of it ourselves and my fiance’s family are covering the cost of the rest.

This seems to make them think they have the right to make quite big ­decisions without running them by us and it’s getting to the point where I’m thinking of calling it off and just going abroad with my fiance on our own to get married.

My future in-laws have invited my fiance’s ex and her partner, which I’m not happy about at all. I don’t know her and I don’t know why they think it’s OK to invite her, especially without asking me first.

They also contact our venue all the time with requests and my fiance’s mum has been calling our bridesmaids and ushers to check up on things – I feel as if I have no control over my own wedding day.

My fiance is sympathetic, but says as they’re paying for most of it, he doesn’t want to rock the boat too much. What’s your advice?

Coleen says

If you’re seriously thinking of calling it off and eloping, then what have you got to lose by fighting your corner with your future in-laws?

If you don’t want his ex-girlfriend there, then say it to them. It’s not their wedding (even if they’ve agreed to cough up for most of it), so it doesn’t matter whether they love this woman or not if it’s a problem for you.

I think your husband-to-be needs to back you up, too. Would he rather have his ex there or marry you? That’s the bottom line.

Something tells me, though, if you make it clear to the in-laws that you’re considering walking away from the whole thing, they’ll change their tune and take you seriously.

There’s always some stress involved in planning a wedding, but if this really isn’t what you want, then you have to speak up before it’s too late. You don’t want to look back at your photos from the day and wish you’d done something different.

I think it’s also crucial that you and your fiance stick together. Like I said, if it’s a choice between you and a wedding you don’t want, hopefully he’ll find the guts to speak to his parents.

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